


Not Over You

by sweetiejelly



Category: Glee
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:18:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetiejelly/pseuds/sweetiejelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written belatedly for (qafaddiction) Heather's birthday for her request of schmoopy Klaine. Also fits with the "safe" prompt for <a href="http://cottoncandy-bingo.dreamwidth.org">cottoncandy_bingo</a>.</p><p>Blaine totally screwed up (and he knows it) but maybe it's not the end. (Spoilers for <i>The Break Up</i>.)</p><p>Angst (sorry!) into schmoop. Also, I think a song spoiler? I've been trying to avoid spoilers but think I saw this one out of my peripheral vision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Over You

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted to [LJ](http://sweetiejelly.livejournal.com/178852.html).

There isn't a single safe topic is what it comes down to. Blaine keeps looking like he wants to say something - apologize maybe, for the hundredth time - but then Kurt would breathe, a little puff of air that could mean anything but mostly just 'how could you'?

And what could Blaine say to that? _I don't know_? Because he doesn't. Temporary insanity, he wants to plead. Or idiocy. But there is no excuse for his behavior. None. He knows this.

They both cried in bed last night. Their first night together in New York City and it ends in tears. Blaine wants to burn this memory too. (Right after the memory of Eli sucking on his neck. It was all wrong, not at all like with Kurt. There was no care. No love. Blaine had to close his eyes and imagine Kurt in his place, Kurt's lips, Kurt's touch. And still, the experience left him empty. Less than because what the hell had he just done?)

Kurt's form when it collapsed upon itself, when that first cry tore from his throat - Blaine felt like something died. Kurt had always been expressive that way. Blaine had fell for that pure essence of Kurt - brave and beautiful and strong. And fuck, what has he done?

Blaine chances a look in Kurt's direction but Kurt just sips at his coffee and blinks in the sunlight. He looks like he hasn't slept a wink. And Blaine as good as hasn't either. Where his heart used to be was now a crater, bowled and curving up, like it's reaching for something no longer there.

"Kurt," Blaine barely breathes his name, feels like he has no right to anymore. Not like this, like he cares (he does), like he still loves (he does), like he's so terribly sorry (he is but 'sorry' is about the sorriest word in English).

"I have to go," Kurt refuses to meet his eyes as he turns and gathers up his things. "I'll see you later, Rachel." He presses a quick kiss to her temple before going to the door, yanking it open and sliding it shut languidly. Like maybe all the fight had gone out of him. Like maybe he didn't want to give Blaine a single word. Not even a slam of the door.

Blaine bites his lips hard. "I can't go wrong with more roses, right?" He says almost to himself.

Rachel half shrugs and sighs, another tear rounding down her cheeks as she wipes it away firmly. "I have to go too actually," she gets up and starts packing. "Sorry, I'm going to have to kick you out."

"No, I - it was good to see you, Rachel. Even under the circumstances..." He trails off as her lips quivered again, even as her eyes flashed with anger, maybe pain. Like Kurt did before, Blaine presses a quick kiss to her temple. It's almost like stealing a kiss from Kurt.

Almost. Except Blaine is starting to learn that nothing feels like Kurt. No one does. Maybe no one ever will. His crater heart gives a lurch, trying to hurl itself up and out, towards Kurt.

\---

Blaine is sitting in the superhero sidekick club feeling like the worst superhero sidekick ever. He doesn't feel like pretending to jump from tall buildings anymore. The thought's just morbid now. And the bright costumes from his fellow club members are giving him a headache. All he could think of is Kurt and how he would critique their fashion choices. Blaine feels a slight tug of a smile at that.

Fierce. That's what Kurt is.

Blaine jumps out of his chair and heads down the hall. He has to do _something_. Playing it safe by sending Kurt daily texts of apology and random (good, oh, so good) memories and _I miss you_ s is just not going to cut it anymore. Blaine is almost a hundred percent certain Kurt is deleting all of his texts, even if he's reading them.

It was time to _do_ something.

Blaine catches sight of Principal Figgins nodding to himself, eyes closed, hands steepled, a smile on his face. Figgins looks friggin' happy. Blaine stops outside his office and listens for a moment.

He catches the last verse of the song and suddenly an idea strikes hot in his crater heart, making it crackle again with something distinctly like hope.

\---

It takes some convincing but Blaine is finally granted access to a meeting room. "Okay, Cutest, be quick about it. Ten minutes is the best I can do." And the door shuts on his confusion. _Cutest? Is that what Kurt called him or the guy's own opinion?_

"Please be Kurt," Blaine mumbles to himself as he paces. "Please be Kurt."

Kurt leans back slow against the door as he shuts it. Blaine catches the tail end of a smile as it slid off Kurt's face. Kurt looks... ridiculously good. A long time ago, Kurt had trouble with his sexy faces. But right now, arms folded, eyes sharp, hair like some fine art sculpture, Kurt is effortlessly sexy.

Blaine breathes in sharp. He wants to cross the room. He wants to sink to his knees, beg for forgiveness, beg for even a word. Instead he takes a moment to compose himself.

"Kurt, I - my words are not good enough. Maybe nothing is, but I have to try," Blaine says before he launches straight into song.

_There's a place... that I know.  
It's not pretty there and few has ever gone._

Kurt stares back at him. And Blaine thinks this is a start. If Kurt can just stay with him...

_Everybody's got a dark side._  
 _Can you love me?_  
 _Can you love mine?_

Kurt blinks at him, giving him no hints. 

_Like a diamond.. from black dust_  
 _It's hard to know what can become_  
 _If you give up._  
 _So don't give up on me._  
 _Please remind me who I am._

Blaine's voice quivers and his heart crater echoes with feeling. Dust, abandonment. It knows these things. Kurt is still breathing, visibly, as his chest rises and falls. Like he's at least listening.

_Don't run away._  
 _Just promise me you will stay._  
 _Promise me you will stay._

Blaine is kneeling by the end of the song. His chest heaves as he looks up at Kurt. If nothing else, Kurt hasn't run away. Kurt is looking at him and swallowing and Blaine could almost see the gears turning in Kurt's brain.

"Blaine," Kurt finally says as he takes a step forward. Blaine's heart soars with hope. Then Kurt continues, "You can't stay here."

"Oh, I -" Blaine's shoulders slump. It was a long shot after all.

"No, there's a meeting here in..." Kurt checks the time, "thirty seconds."

"Oh!"

"Take a walk?"

"Take a walk," Blaine shuffles to his feet.

"I can take my break now. I'll just let Isabelle know." Kurt gestures as he hurries out the room.

Blaine hurries out with Kurt. He's gotten lost without Kurt before. He doesn't want to get lost again.

\---

It's near lunch time. The streets of New York City are a rush of smells and motion, honks and bright slaps of wings taking flight. There are a lot of grays on the street. A puddle offers up its makeshift mirror. Windows idly refract the world, blurring the ins with the outs.

Blaine is still not sure where he stands. Physically, he's right next to Kurt, a half a step behind as he follows. Mentally though, mentally he composes himself, ready for the shutters to come down decisively, for the sign on the door to flip to 'closed.'

Kurt sighs a little, the sound almost swallowed up completely by their surroundings. Blaine hears it though. He's been trying to catch any sound from Kurt, any word.

"I can't believe you're here," Kurt says finally. "So, no roses this time?"

Blaine's face falls. _Shit._ But before he could apologize (again), Kurt turns to him and _snorts_. "You should see your face right now. Oh, god. No, I meant it's a good thing. No more apology roses."

"Oh," Blaine breathes again. "I -"

Kurt cuts him off. "Blaine," he waits till Blaine stills and drags his eyes up from the puddle to look at him. "The song was beautiful. You sang your heart out and I - I get it. I get what you were trying to say." He pauses and picks at an invisible thread on Blaine's coat as he continues. "Steven at work asked me out and I almost said yes."

Blaine flinches at the non-sequitur but clings onto the 'almost.' "Almost," he repeats, silently asking for confirmation.

Kurt nods, lips doing that odd thing between a grimace and a smile. "I'm a hopeless romantic. Both Isabelle and Rachel have come up with the same diagnosis. Apparently I'm not over you."

Blaine reels himself in, reels in that impulse to shift up and over a few inches to touch his lips to Kurt's. "I wouldn't blame you if you were. Kurt, not a day goes by that I don't want to turn back time and undo the stupid, hurtful thing that I did. I have no excuses and I didn't even - I wanted it to be you. I don't want anyone else but you. I don't love anyone else but you. And I screwed up and I'm so mad at myself. And you - if you want to break up with me, I'd understand. But I'll always - you'd be the one who got away."

Kurt inhales long and deep and looks like maybe he believes Blaine a little. His lips twitch and it looks more and more like a smile by the minute. "I'm still here."

Blaine surges forward in relief. He buries his face in the crook of Kurt's neck and hangs onto Kurt with grateful arms. This close he could feel the pulse of the veins in Kurt's neck. They feel like kisses upon his cheek and Blaine allows himself a moment to accept them, even if he doesn't deserve it.

Kurt pulls back after a few beats and curls a hand around the back of Blaine's neck. Lightly he strokes at the skin there, which is prickling with goose bumps, more and more with each stroke. And then Kurt seems to make up his mind. Deliberately slow, he presses Blaine forward and closes his eyes.

The kiss is hesitant, neither of them wanting to disturb the fragile truce that hangs between them. But Kurt's lips are soft and warm and sweet with whatever chapstick he used and Blaine couldn't help himself. He presses harder on the second kiss and chances a lick across the seam of Kurt's lips.

His heart sings, the crater rolling on its back in a cartwheel, before inflating, inflating. _This._ This is what it was craving. Kurt, love, the sweet way Kurt has that drives him needy with want.

Kurt melts against him. Blaine feels the exact moment and almost cries with joy. This give humbles him every time. That Kurt would be so generous - it knocks the breath out of him. Blaine's lost in the sweet slide of Kurt's tongue against his when a passerby's shout startles them apart.

"Get a room!"

Blaine stares at Kurt and the bright red way that he's lit up. It makes him smile. And then Kurt looks at him and they both break out in a giggle, almost hysterical with relief.

Then Kurt leans close to whisper, "I want to." The heat of his blush seems to surge impossibly more. "But I have to get back to work."

Blaine nods blankly. His brain's a little fried, he suspects. His eyes probably give him away.

Kurt smiles knowingly at him and gives him a quick kiss. "I'll come visit this weekend."

Blaine thinks his smile is probably blinding.

"I miss my dad a lot," Kurt throws in.

Blaine bursts out laughing. If Kurt is back to teasing him, then they may be a lot futher along than he thought. "Good. We miss you more."

"You miss me most?"

Blaine doesn't even hesitate. "I miss you _most_ ," he says with feeling.

Kurt acknowledges it with a small smile as he starts walking away, his face still turned to Blaine. "You'll make it up to me?"

"I'll make it up to you," Blaine promises with his eyes and with every fiber of his being. "Over and over and over and over."

Kurt laughs and the world rights itself a little bit. It's a start at least. Blaine's mind whirls with plans. He will woo and romance and prove himself worthy again. He will. He makes a silent vow.

When Kurt glances back at him, Blaine blows him a kiss. He lets it go with a heart light as sunshine. After all, it's only the first kiss in a line of many, many.

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics from Kelly Clarkson's "Dark Side."


End file.
